I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
