pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
