its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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