I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize