She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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