i was born a porn star she said
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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