Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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