I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
