Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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