Apparently you make a good broom.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
