i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
