im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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