Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
we're so committed to being not committed
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
