Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
