Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
