I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Woke up backwards on a recliner
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
