I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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