its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
