You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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