He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
