I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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