Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
