I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
