i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
