Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
