3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
