just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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