dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
