I want you more than these girls want KFC
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
