YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
