he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
