I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
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I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
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I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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