JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
