Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
