Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
