absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
