That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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