We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
