The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
