I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
