the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Randomize
