my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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