im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
