go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We have so much sex to catch up on
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Randomize
