Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
