barbara walters just said penis...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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