So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
