how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
