When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
