I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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