did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
