I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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