Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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