When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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