i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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