Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
