yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
