My first STD was from a foam party
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
