There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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