cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Randomize
