fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
