thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
