Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Someone shit on the floor
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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