Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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