the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
