we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
