but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
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