i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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