I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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