Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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