We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
