I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
