I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
