You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
