If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
