Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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