ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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