just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
