i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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