Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
