He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
