So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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