You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
