I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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